How to Build Community When You Struggle to Be Vulnerable with Others…
Was inspired by Ned's Declassified to make a mini survival guide! I kept seeing a lot of posts calling on people to make or join communities and psychically I felt like there was still a huge gap to make that happen.
So many of us are unpracticed in really connecting and being comfortable with others and that's ok. What matters is how you move through that. Now is the perfect time to confront these fears and step outside of your comfort zone.
Every time I have done so with friends, I have been supported in ways my fear has never let me think was an option. You already know what to expect from rejection, why not see what reception is like?
With the state of the world, we keep hearing that we need to organize community and rely on our friends and neighbors in case sh*t hits the fan.
HOWEVER, I feel that many of us (including me!) struggle with knowing how to even begin relying on people when we are in need.
And I think that is by design! So let me break it down for you, and hopefully make your community trust and structures more stable!
Ok, so let’s get the obvious elephant out of the room. COVID. Yep, whatever we were carrying from before that was broken down severely and for some created lots of fear to connect with others in case they catch something.
The other thing to consider on a personal level is your own fears and experiences when it comes to connecting with others. Whether you were betrayed or never had someone to trust, etc.
Now let’s get into the designed part.
In America, we have an individualized society. We are conditioned to see life as a personal journey as opposed to some cultures who are taught to think about their role in the collective or family unit before making a decision.
And what benefit is there in creating an environment where everyone sees each other as competition paired with the thought that they are all alone in their journey??? Pair that with further separation tactics around class, race, religion, etc.
With a myriad of different reasons why it might be hard to connect and open up to true community, it is important to know what your unique story is around community.
Ask yourself: What rules, beliefs, experiences, and programmings do I carry about community? Observe without judgment as much as possible...
Perhaps you can rewrite this story.
What do you define as “community”? Let’s explore what real community should look like together.
Real community moves beyond superficial connections. It involves genuine, meaningful relationships, shared values, and a sense of belonging where people care for and support each other, fostering a sense of mutual responsibility and shared purpose.
This means community can look like:
Trusting people with your fears and struggles
Being able to rely on others for help
Feeling comfortable “calling people in” when they make mistakes
Coming together for a common goal
In healing your connection to others, you heal
the collective. And in all healing, we must do it sustainably. This is how we make REAL change.
To truly change we must acknowledge where the resistance and fear lie. Sit with it and get to know its objections and wounds. Move past the initial scare of seeing it, and let it know it’s safe with you.
Then, you slowly challenge your comfort zone. Knowing your limits and stepping out in little spurts.
For example: You want to have deep meaningful connections with others, but always struggle to do so. You deeply want to find community and belonging, but when it comes time to put yourself out there you avoid it.
This is how I was. Creating a story where I always felt alone amongst friends. I realized I couldn’t keep yearning without giving people the chance to support me. So with friends, I began sharing vulnerably, opening up. Creating bridges for connection...
It’s not always easy, but the more we connect, the stronger we are. The less we feel separate. The more reliable and inclusive our society becomes.
If you befriend your inner resistance, any challenge becomes easily surmountable. Externally our ability to mobilize as a whole becomes faster. When we connect, our differences become strengths, our weaknesses are supported by others, and our quality of life is greater. That gnawing sense of not belonging goes away because you finally showed your true self and were received.
If you enjoyed this breakdown, please share with ur community, give me a shout out on the socials, join my newsletter for more content, listen to my podcasts The Empowered Intuitive and Source Seers, or book a session with me!
Thank you and good luck connecting with other humans out there!
